It nails you right down to your seat

The very opposite of wild and free

If you′ve never been swept off your feet (yes, this place)

This place is like quicksand

Ever felt like you're going somewhere?

Strange glue′s got you fixed to the chair

Like a tiger cub stuck in a snare

This place is like quicksand

Birmingham's Venice, Glasgow's Detroit

Bridlington′s Prague by the Sea

Sun′s high in sky on English Riviera

The whole world is drinking with me

Between the jukebox and ladies loos

A crazy path nobody would choose

We're on a once in a lifetime cruise

This place is like quicksand

Sure, I′ve been to this place before

Keep peeping in the same old door

Keep sticking to the same old floor (yes, this place)

This place is like quicksand

I'm sat next to the very same bloke

Who′s telling me the very same joke

Barman has to give me a poke

This place is like quicksand

Coventry's Paris, Bristol′s Madrid

Southend's our own Saint-Tropez

I've been to every one but only in spirit

And we′re drinking our way there today

Between the jukebox and ladies loos

A crazy path nobody would choose

We′re on a once in a lifetime cruise

This place is like quicksand

"We're Laurence Fox′s, we're right, " said Fred′s

Devoid of soul, but high on meds

Buy your shoes from Benson's for Beds

This place is like quicksand

We′re fuckwits, we're idiots

But God, we're strong

Our feet are stuck, but our reach is long

We′re trapped and scared, but we′re singing this song

This place is like quicksand

Between the jukebox and ladies loos

A crazy path nobody would choose

We're on a once in a lifetime cruise

This place is like quicksand