Thought I'd be better by now
Thought I'd be happy by now
Instead I'm stuck in bed
and I can't even leave my own house
Wondering why the hell I just
can't seem to figure it out, oh-oh
I scroll on my phone for hours
And I pretend that it helps
I wish I had it all together just like everyone else
That's when I started asking myself

"What if happiness is something I'll never feel?
What if sadness is a scar that won't ever heal?
What if all these ups and downs I'll never figurе out?
What if everybody's gone, and I'm alonе?
Suffocating in the pain I can't let go
I've been searching my whole life
For the reason I
The reason I
The reason I'm alive"

They tell me, "don't give in"
But they're all full of it
Nobody knows what it's like waking up inside of my head
Some nights I close my eyes
And pray to God I die
And every day that I don't
Just makes me wanna try
That voice inside my head
Pulls me right to the edge
And it says

"What if happiness is something I'll never feel?
What if sadness is a scar that won't ever heal?
What if all these ups and downs I'll never figure out?
What if everybody's gone, and I'm alone?
Suffocating in the pain I can't let go
I've been searching my whole life
For the reason I
The reason I
The reason I'm alive"

Who was I before the pain?
What was it like to be okay?
I'm begging God for another way
Is there another way?

What if happiness is something I'll never feel?
What if sadness is a scar that won't ever heal?
What if all these ups and downs I'll never figure out?
What if everybody's gone, and I'm alone?
Suffocating in the pain I can't let go
I've been searching my whole life
For the reason I
The reason I
The reason I'm alive