Thought I'd be better by now

Thought I'd be happy by now

Instead I'm stuck in bed

and I can't even leave my own house

Wondering why the hell I just

can't seem to figure it out, oh-oh

I scroll on my phone for hours

And I pretend that it helps

I wish I had it all together just like everyone else

That's when I started asking myself

"What if happiness is something I'll never feel?

What if sadness is a scar that won't ever heal?

What if all these ups and downs I'll never figurе out?

What if everybody's gone, and I'm alonе?

Suffocating in the pain I can't let go

I've been searching my whole life

For the reason I

The reason I

The reason I'm alive"

They tell me, "don't give in"

But they're all full of it

Nobody knows what it's like waking up inside of my head

Some nights I close my eyes

And pray to God I die

And every day that I don't

Just makes me wanna try

That voice inside my head

Pulls me right to the edge

And it says

"What if happiness is something I'll never feel?

What if sadness is a scar that won't ever heal?

What if all these ups and downs I'll never figure out?

What if everybody's gone, and I'm alone?

Suffocating in the pain I can't let go

I've been searching my whole life

For the reason I

The reason I

The reason I'm alive"

Who was I before the pain?

What was it like to be okay?

I'm begging God for another way

Is there another way?

What if happiness is something I'll never feel?

What if sadness is a scar that won't ever heal?

What if all these ups and downs I'll never figure out?

What if everybody's gone, and I'm alone?

Suffocating in the pain I can't let go

I've been searching my whole life

For the reason I

The reason I

The reason I'm alive